How to Fix Shitty Games–Bill and Ted’s Excellent Video Game Adventure

 

I’m a firm believer that there are many games out there that are just bad. Really bad to the point where there is no fun in even playing them because of design, game play, or plot flaws. A lot of these “bad” games can be enjoyed with fairly easy fixes. Below is one of those games that can easily be fixed so that the game is some what enjoyable.

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Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure is a 1989 American science fiction comedy buddy film and the first film in the Bill & Ted franchise in which two metalhead slackers travel through time to assemble a menagerie of historical figures for their high school history presentation.

The film was written by Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon and directed by Stephen Herek. It stars Keanu Reeves as “Ted” Theodore Logan, Alex Winter as Bill S. Preston, Esquire, and George Carlin as Rufus. Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure received reviews which were mostly positive upon release and was commercially successful. It is now considered a cult classic. A sequel, Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey, was released two years later. An untitled third film is in development. — wikipedia.org

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A Little History

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Video Game Adventure is an action-adventure video game that is part of the Bill & Ted franchise and is based on the film Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure that was released in North America by LJN for the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1991. The game’s plot is not an adaptation of the movie, but rather serves as an original continuation to the film’s events. – wikipedia.org

 

First Impressions

Let’s face it. This game is terrible. I mean one of the lowest of the low, a fierce competitor for E.T. on the 2600. OK, it’s not that bad but this game is pretty bad. The controls are loose, the physics don’t make any sense, and you have no idea what the hell you’re doing. How is any child who was a fan of the movie (I know you’re out there) suppose to enjoy such a horrible game? Tell me. You can’t. You just can’t.

The first dead give away is the publisher for the game.

LJN_logo

Now I’m not going to go into rants like AVGN, but he makes a valid point about LJN. Their shit games to passable games ratio is extremely high in the shit department. But that’s neither here nor there. Let’s get down to what can be fixed to make this game better.

 

1. The Intro

I love intros to games. I mean, how else are you suppose to know what’s going on in the game if you don’t watch the intro? Especially in this day and age where actually manuals for these retro games are hard to come by unless you are willing to spend a little more on a CIB. Intros are great. It gets everyone on the same page.

I have no issue with a game, that’s based off a movie, not follow the story line of the movie itself. This can end up being either a good or bad thing. It’s OK in this case. But the issue lies in the length and the lack of an option to bypass the story at the beginning. It’s nothing but text with the stupid lingo that I’m guessing was popular at the time. Lots of “dudes”, “dudettes” and “bogus” which does get annoying after a while.

So how does this get fixed? Well how about allowing the intro to the game to play while the player is sitting idle. Not a huge fix, but these sort of small things actually do make the game play speed up and allow the gamer to do what the game was intended to do after all which is to play it. And make the intro something that I would want to watch. Don’t hold me up on long and boring intros every time I reset it.

2. Phone book

Bill & Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure (2)

Now this one is one of the biggest things that kills the game for me. The phone book has a list of phone numbers (well duh right?) that corresponds to a particular figure in history.

So what’s wrong with this picture? Well, what the hell am I suppose to do? There’s nothing but black around those edges. No “Press Select to enter a phone number”. No, “The one with the flashing number is the one you need to enter”. No nothing. Now, since I do not own the instruction booklet, it may very well be in there that explains what I’m suppose to do. Which is something the game designers weren’t anticipating. I can let that slide. I mean, nowadays with the internet, who needs these books, but back in the day, that was your only source of true information because you sure as hell weren’t going to listen to the fat know-it-all kid down the street tell you what to do in the game. No way no how.

I mean there’s just nothing. The book itself looks great in all it’s pixel glory. The character sprites have a unique look to them and you can tell what it is. I just don’t know what the hell to do.

Since the NES controller has only so many buttons, that after trial and error you’d figure it out. The flashing number is the number to dial. But it’s only after trial and error that you figure this out. And after having to sit through the fucking intro, you’re all ready set to kill this game with fire.

GIVE ME SOME INSTRUCTION ON WHAT TO DO NEXT. THIS ISN’T A SEQUAL. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE BUTTONS DO BASED OFF A PREVIOUS GAME. SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE!!!1!!11!

So yeah, just add some informational text around the border will clear that up.

3. Pointless game aspects

Bill & Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure-2

What the hell is going on? I mean, really? If you are making me play this stupid “mini-game” because you couldn’t think of a better way to add the actual time travel in the game, then stop it. Just stop it right there. This whole part of the game is pointless and I have no idea what anything means. Are you going to take away 5 coins if I land in the 5 coin circle? I know I lose money when I land in the skull circles because that’s a worldly ideal: skulls = bad. And it has to be coins because I don’t have 5 of anything else.

But seriously? You couldn’t think of a better way of adding time travel to the game? If not, then don’t put it in. Just bypass the whole thing. I don’t remember Bill or Ted ever getting stuck in the “circuits of time” because they ran out of money.

Coins? So you were able to think ahead on the money idea. Well, a phone call will probably cost more than a quarter in the future so let’s just call them coins. If you thought that, you should have thought that no one would hold on to a tiny ass booklet that tells you exactly what to do screen by screen then either.

Just take it out. It’s not any fun.  Give me a sweet ass animated graphic of going through space and time with Bill and Ted saying something like “Dude, this is totally wicked.” “Yeah, Dude, but it’s making me totally sick at my stomach.”

I can relate.

4. Inviting graphics

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What am I looking at,you asked? Well it’s a lot of green. That’s it… Just a lot of green. Too much green. Way too much green.

Either give me something more pleasing to look at or get it out of my view. What to know how you fix this bit? Look below.

72796-bill-ted-s-excellent-video-game-adventure-nes-screenshot-arrived_smaller

Ahhh, so much better. Oh what’s that over there? Oh it’s a tree. Well that’s nice. Oh and a fence. Much more pleasing to look at. Yeah, all I did was crop out the crap you don’t have to see anyway. Most of the graphics on the outside of the “gaming area” is off limits anyway. You can’t walk over there. You just can’t. The game won’t let you. It just wants you to look, don’t touch, and the rest of the area is just a lot of puke green to enjoy. Yeah, I like it better this way too.

Now the graphics don’t have to blow my mind. I’m not expecting Final Fantasy or huge sprites like Final Fight. But something better than what you’re giving me. Give me some detail in the grass. Give me more than just one type of rock. Give me something. Put a fucking clown in there I don’t care. Well, I guess, a clown wouldn’t work for the time period, but a Jester would. Or some cattle grazing on the luscious non-existent grass. Something that’s not green.

5. Direction

So, you start the first level, and pat yourself on the back for that because we’ve lost 50 percent of the players all ready. But what do you do? Well you walk around talking to people. But they give you some of the most pointless information.

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So… is it strange good? Strange bad? Which way is south? Heard something? Like from a person or an inanimate object? If you heard some from a tree then yes that it strange. What was it? Why won’t you tell me? I’ve got nothing.

You see this throughout most of the game. The game calls these “hints”. There is nothing there that I would call a hint. First, he says that he heard something. OK, but from whom? Someone important? Someone that I care to talk to?

Plus where is south? There’s no map, no indicator of where I am exactly in the level. These levels are actually pretty large to say the lest. To give just a general direction in a space where direction doesn’t technically exist, which way is south? How about this: “I’ve heard something strange can be found down south past _________” then give me a landmark. Like the pastor, or the dueling knights. Fucking something! I just need a little more information. Unless you’re going to give me a map.

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Oh well, won’t you look at that. I know where I am because of this handy map I have and well look at that! A compass. Now I know which direction I’m going in. Man, this is going to be a fun adventure. I can’t wait to start talking to people and discovering the secrets of this level. Gee whiz. I hope they make a sequel because I’m already having a blast.

Final Thoughts

It’s games like this that make me sad. It just missed the turn. Even if this game wasn’t a hit (which it wasn’t) if the engine would have been designed good enough, another game dev could have taken it and made something great with. Something original; something fun. This game is not fun.

So, for those who know how to program, do me a favor: make this game fun. Because I truly believe that a game like this would be great. It was be a great mix between action and RPG. There’s zero violence in this game. I mean you throw pudding cups at enemies to ward them away. How awesome is that? But the train was missed. Thank you, LJN and your rainbow of shit.

FIGHTWARE–The Ultimate Gaming System–Part 3

software

Software is were my strengths lie. And since this console is based mainly on software (you can pretty much use any kind of hardware to make it go) this section will be quite a big larger. First off, what would be the base system? Well, Linux, of course.

It’s so beautiful…

Linux, for those who don’t know, is an operating system much like OSX or Windows. It’s considered a replacement to bulky and expensive OSs to preform much of the same tasks that you can do on your current machine such as web browsing, photo editing, and word processing to name a few. What you might not know is that LINUX IS EVERYWHERE!!! Not only running your phone (Android), but in the customer service industry, mainframes, and believe it or not, popular video game systems (Wii). The name “Linux” usually brings a bad taste to many a mouth. Images of the command line, incompatible Windows programs, jacked up graphics cards, and old guys with neck beards recompiling their kernels to be on the bleeding edge of technology. All of this is true. I also had a neck beard for quite some time and hung out with my local LUG discussing the finer points of reconstruction and free as in Free Beer not Free Speech. Oh the good ol’ days…

Linux proves to be the perfect base system for FIGHTWARE. It can be as big or as robust as a heavy hitting gaming machine to a simple, elegant top box for your T.V. or something has convenient as Raspberry Pi. Linux is beautiful and sexy and you should embrace the beauty and sexiness.

Many Linux systems with the minimal of the minimal already exist like Puppy Linux, Crunch Bang, and Damn Small Linux coming in at a whooping 50MB or less. Simply amazing. The reason these systems are so small is because they are not flooded with apps and processes you just don’t use or need.

Now with FIGHTWARE, even the smallest distro can be adjusted to fit just for what FIGHTWARE needs. Again this is a simple process especially with help from the Linux From Scratch or Reconstructor or by taking an existing distro and stripping it. So, what do you need? Other than what is required to run the hardware that is.

the driver

The main driver behind the entire FIGHTWARE system would be Python. This programming language uses plain text and has the ability incorporate pretty much anything: C++, C#, SQL, Java. You name it, there’s a wrapper for it. Python is also nice because it’s easy to learn and easy to change or modify. The driver will be the running everything that the player can see. From the icons on the dashboard to running the emulators or other launchers. I know that you could probably be better off using a more “down to the hardware” language such as C++ and C# but those are super hard to get into and not easy to get up and running right away. Remember, this is suppose to something that’s fairly simple that basically “anyone” can do.

dashboard

The dashboard is what will run on top of the Linux base system. It’s the graphics that launch everything you need from NES emulators, to the web, or even a social network like Twitter or Facebook. Every modern console has some type of dashboard.

Microsoft Xbox 360 dashboard

Nintendo Wii dashboard

The dashboard will connect the player to the different apps that are available to be used much like the existing consoles have. FIGHTWARE’s dashboard would be similar in that it will allow the player to select a certain type of emulator or game and play to their hearts content. While in game play, if the player would like to go back to the dashboard either to check updates or play another game, a simple button combination could be pressed to bring up a “submenu” of options such as powering off, reset, or back to the dash. This button combination would be similar to Sega Dreamcast’s soft reset (A+B+X+Y+Start).

The customization, or skinning, of the dashboard will be scripted using XML. Again, XML is super easy to read and change and will allow anyone to create skins from their favorite games as the base or copy another popular dashboard that already exists. This is super popular with a modded Xbox from the past. There where all kinds of “skins” you could download from the web and slap on your dashboard. Customization is awesome and allows the user to make their system whatever they want it to be. Which is the point of FIGHTWARE. It’s yours. Do whatever with it. I don’t care.

updates

Every system needs updates and FIGHTWARE won’t be any different. Again, we would have testers testing the shit out of a new update to make sure that it doesn’t break or crash the system. After that the update goes to the web. If the system is connected to the internet, a simple “Update Ready” message would appear to allow the player to update or not; your choice.

For those who do not have an internet connection to FIGHTWARE will be able to download the update and save it to a flash/thumb drive or even burn to a CD-R. Slap that bad boy into the system, click a button that says something like “find new updates” and bam! update done without an internet connection. You can’t do that with an Xbox 360. At least I don’t think you can.

emulation

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Eric, there’s a ton of emulators out there. How are going to decide on just one?” And to that I will say “Why chose one? Let’s use them all!” At the moment of this writing there are roughly 17 different NES emulators. 17! And more than 90 per cent of them aren’t even updated or in active development anymore. They are left to die in the depths of the dark corners of the internet sitting alone until a hobbyist decides to pick them up one day and play.

Speaking just to NES emulators, every emulator has some feature it excels at but lacks somewhere else. It may either be great at processing pure 8-bit sound but have a small library of games it can run. Or it’s great at clarity and Netplay but there’s a ton of bugs in the software that makes the system crash periodically. All of this is OK. We take every emulator that’s available, whether it’s outdated or not, and test every game on every emulator. After that we make a list. Let’s say that Emulator A is over all better playing Legend of Zelda than Emulator B. When the player wants to play LoZ, Emulator A will be the one running. On the other hand, Emulator B is better playing Metroid than Emulator A. Well Emulator B will be the one that is launched with that particular rom. To the player, it will never be known which emulator is running because each game will be ran in full screen mode from the dashboard. Cool right? Seamless.

The game list will stay as current as possible with feedback from players throughout the world who are actively testing the roms on different emulators. With this type of fan base that will running these emulators, I would think that some of the projects would become active again to make FIGHTWARE it’s number one choice in emulation. I know I would.

As time goes on, there will be obvious emulators that just don’t keep up with the rest and if it doesn’t hurt the cause of “purest emulation” it’ll be dropped to make way for one that is succeeding. But if it does everything wrong except for running the closest equivalent of Earthbound on the Super NES, you better believe it’ll stay.

By using every angle from multiple emulators to different types of roms for one particular game, it will allow the player to experience the closest possible emulation of the game. Which is the whole idea of course.

apps

Everyone loves apps. All kinds of apps and FIGHTWARE will be no different. Apps can range from the very simple like a Twitter app to monstrosities such as a web browser or email client. Things like this are huge suckers on computing power and is sort of out of the scope of FIGHTWARE in general, but the possibility to have an “App Store” available for players to download content over the internet will give it more than just a gaming console. We are already seeing this with the XBox 360 allowing people to download movies, Netflick, Pandora, and others to make it more than just a gaming machine. It would be possible but probably would not be preinstalled on a basic system.

Every app in the “App Store” would be tied to a special FIGHTWARE ONLY! repository. For those who don’t know, a repository or repo, is a sever that has software up for download for a particular Linux distro. Ubuntu, Red Hat, and Suse all have different repos for their systems. By having a FIGHTWARE ONLY! repo will allow testers to test the app before releasing it to the general public. This helps keep down system crashing and virus or malware products. JoliCloud OS, a Linux netbook distro, uses something very similar and works like a dream.

The next part of FIGHTWARE will be based on “extras”. Stay tuned.

FIGHTWARE–The Ultimate Gaming System–Part 2

hardware

All right, let’s get down to the nuts and bolts of the machine. The idea here is to be slick and tiny. The motherboard, ideally, would be a mini-itx. They are small, cheap, and full of power. Preferably one with HDMI or RCA out. That way you could hook it up to a normal T.V. and play off your couch. USB ports on the front and back, built in Wi-Fi or Ethernet port (would be nice more on this later), fans and all that jazz. Hard drive would be a flash HDD. Less moving parts means less things to go wrong. Anything from a 4 GB to 1 TB would be more than enough to support the actual software running the system and space for games, DLC, etc. Built in Bluetooth would also be a plus for more choices of game pads to use or even your mobile phone. Cool idea right? I’m full of them.

Now that is a sexy piece of hardware.

The case itself again would be slick enough to put next to your DVR or your DVD player or even your other consoles. Then the normally stuff like a power button, reset button, USB ports on the front for controllers (4 for multi-tap play) and a DVD drive for games, updates, etc (More on this later).

Now, ideally, everyone could purchase the same unit so everyone has the same type of hardware. But, more or less, people want their machines to do different things. The average gamer probably won’t need 1 TB of space. I mean, that’s a ton of space. The software of FIGHTWARE can be placed on basically anything. The software portion will cover this more, but FIGHTWARE should be able to run on the minimal of hardware of any kind.

controllers

Ah, controllers. There are so many to choose from. And you can choose which ever one you’d want! By placing 4 USB ports on the front of the box will allow up to USB gamepads for 4 player action. Or with the built in Bluetooth adapter, it’s possible to use even wireless controllers with the same capability or even your mobile phone!

I chose you!

There have been great advances in pc gaming with Linux. There are even libraries that will allow you to use your Nintendo Wii Remote to controller your mouse. You can’t tell me that someone wouldn’t be able to mash this over to a gamepad for Duck Hunt, Time Crisis, or House of the Dead. Don’t you tell me that! Because it is possible.

Another great thing with Linux, is it’s able to name every bit of hardware that is plugged into it even if it has no idea what to do with it or what it’s suppose to do. Let’s say you plug in a Retro NES USB controller. Now FIGHTWARE has no idea what this is. Linux is able to at least name it something that’s legible such as “NES USB controller”. With that, it’s just a simple script to run and try to figure out what the hell it is. For instance, the NES controller has 4 face buttons and an 8-way directional pad. That’s 12 total buttons. Everyone of those buttons has a name as well such as Button 1, Button 2, Button 3, etc. Every emulator has a “map controller” feature to allow the program to assign what each button will represent on an actually NES controller. The script would do the same thing, save it in a text file somewhere that way when another emulator needs it to map the controller to the system it’s emulating, it’s just a small load away. On top of that, this text file can be uploaded to a main server and the next time that a player somewhere else plugs in the same controller, the user won’t have to map it again. Just select it from a drop down menu or list. Done and done.

online? not online?

You crazy kids and your online gaming. When I was a hardcore gamer, we spent weeks, saving up our allowances, finishing up homework, and begging parents to allow me and 3 of my friends to hang out on a Friday night, rent Goldeneye 007 for the Nintendo 64 to toss proximity mines all around and sit in a corner while my friends would  look for me only to kill themselves. Well, that wasn’t me actually it was another friend of mine but still!

Online gaming has defiantly taken a crazy leap forward with games such as Halo, Madden Football, and Call of Duty. I have also taken part in these crazy marathons and it’s hard not to consider a system that isn’t online.

As I have already stated (or will state. I’ve lost track already) most of these emulators have Netplay. Basically Netplay allows you to play 2 or 3 or 4 player video games online with friends or foes. With the invention of TeamSpeak, a software that allows you to chat with others, it would be a simple switch to set up an online game through the emulator, create a chat room in TeamSpeak and be able to play and chat with the players.

I’m not too big of a hardware guy so other than the above, I don’t have much to add. Hardware’s boring.

The next installment will focus on the software. Oh yeah.

FIGHTWARE – The Ultimate Gaming System–Part 1

what is FIGHTWARE

FIGHTWARE is an idea that can create the ultimate gaming experience in emulation. It combines the love of retro gaming with the computing power of today to allow the player to replicate the gaming experience of conventional consoles in a all-in-one tight, cute little package.

Basically it’s a computer. Just like all modern consoles, it will consist of a motherboard, hard drive disk, controllers, etc. But the beauty of FIGHTWARE is to strive to feel exactly like you are playing on the actual console with real controllers rather than on a computer keyboard. With today’s technology in emulation, anything is possible.

why “FIGHTWARE”

A name is just a name. Actually, my original name for this console was “Agent Orange”. I just thought it was a sweet ass name. Could call it AO for short. But after some serious thinking, and realizing that it might upset some people, I decided on FIGHTWARE. It has a better ring to it than AO does. When you ask someone what they’re doing  they would say something like “I’m playing Xbox” or “I’m playing Playstation”. I’m playing “Agent Orange” doesn’t really sound good. I’m playing FIGHTWARE sounds way better. Then again it might just be me. I can go either way.

is FIGHTWARE legal?

Short answer, No. According to the law of copyright, you are allowed to have one soft copy (in this case a rom) if you own the hard copy that you’ve legally paid for. This is an old law and more often then not, this is also against the law. The main purpose of FIGHTWARE is to play through emulation, but there can be so much more you can do with the system which will be outlined in later installments. So no, it’s not legal. With that in mind, let’s continue shall we?

origins

FIGHTWARE was created out of my lonely days of trying to mod my original X-Box console. The idea that I could put emulators and roms on the system and play them without having to blow into cartridge slots, wiping smuggie discs on my white tee, or placing a Coke can on top of the console to play got my heart pumping. A modded X-Box. It was heaven to a retro gamer like me.

But… talk about a pain in the ass to get working. You need the correct game to load the installer, a Memory Card with the files on it. Just getting the files over to the memory card was a pain. Or you could get an Action Replay which is fine, back then, but now finding one is almost impossible. Most people at game stores have no idea that an Action Replay was made for the original Xbox. Then I get those dumb looks and crazy questions of “Why? Original Xbox? Just buy a 360.” I don’t want a 360. I want to mod my Xbox. Back off nerd so lame that even I wouldn’t talk to you on the street!

And updating the system or adding anything new was a pain as well. You had to connect a patch network cable to your computer, run a certain kind of FTP software because NO OTHER FTP PROGRAM WOULD WORK CORRECTLY!!! make sure that HDD was “unlocked” and that the system defaults were set to even be able to connect to your computer. Pain in the ass!

So you might be thinking “Well, I mean yeah it’s a pain, but it’s got to be easier than creating your own custom console.” And to that, I would say you are correct. At least in part. The hardest part of this whole idea of FIGHTWARE is the beginning stages. Getting everything together, connecting hardware, making sure everything works correctly. But after that’s all good, it’s a simple plug and play concept for everything else. And you will be much happier to use an original NES controller to play those roms rather than the bulky X-Box controller. Even the S version doesn’t feel well to the hands. Plus you wouldn’t be restricted to out-dated hardware to make things happen. Still with me?

The next installment for FIGHTWARE will be about the hardware.